I can admit there were times when I did not handle some situations the best way in my life. But the issue was that I let many things get to me before I exploded. I find it most funny today that some people still believe I am that person. Some of them even desire me to still be that person as a confirmation of who they decided I am. While I can never control what people think or believe to be authentic about who I am, I can change and evolve into something else; be it good or bad. It is up to them to welcome the demonstration of transformation.
I have learned about my inability to cope with stress during those times. Stress manifests itself in my body first and, second, my emotions. There is always a physical sign I am overwhelmed, frustrated, or just stressed; however, it takes a while for me to identify those things.
Image Credit: Photo by Jeffery Erhunse on Unsplash
How you respond in moments of frustration and overwhelm is the best demonstration of your skills. What is in your will come out, right? So practicing more positive and productive responses and coping skills when you don’t need them serves as practice for when you will. Sports teams win games when the skills and strategies become embedded in their muscles and come out in their performance. When triggers occur during their performances, their muscle memory of those positive skills and techniques take action. Do you know when you are driving and come to a hard stop how your right hand is thrown over the passenger seat even if it is empty? That is a coping skill triggered by the action that just took place. Muscle memory is just like your mindset. What you believe will always come out. In the split seconds of those moments, you are making decisions you may not even realize from beliefs, thoughts, and previous experiences out of habit.
Here are some coaching questions I use with my clients when we have fireside calls. Fireside calls are for immediate coaching when a situation or stressor requires them to take their time out before deciding their response or action. Then, they have the opportunity to text or call me to break through with them their best response and then plan their action to reach the outcome they desire.
What do I need at this moment?
Sometimes what we need at the moment is not as evident until we break down the struggle and overwhelm. For example, while it is easy to determine your stress is someone requesting you to complete an unexpected project or task, it is the stress of wanting to leave work on time for your child’s soccer game. So your response may look different at this moment than when you had nothing on the schedule. You may need to establish your priorities at the moment and do some breath work to see things clearer. Sometimes the need is a phone call to someone you have been worrying about and allowing the worry to erode your ability to process other tasks in your day. Sometimes, it’s the need for a hug to release tension your body has been holding as you try not to fall apart. In each situation, it may look different, but these questions help to identify what you need.
What needs to happen right now?
Priority. Of the things currently in front of you, which one requires time, effort, and attention at the moment. As you determine what needs to happen first, you see what time and requirements are necessary for each task. While some people believe in doing the easier things first, there is nothing wrong with doing them last. Your priority list should focus on your capacity and ability at the moment.
What is within my control and responsibility?
Now that you know where you need to focus, you can determine what you need to delegate or give a sufficient timeframe to accomplish when you can. You don’t have to do everything. There are so many services and opportunities to delegate tasks now. From timing text and email to having someone pick up and deliver groceries and laundry for you, there are ways to have things done without being the person who does them. There is such thing as automation as well. I have found that paying someone to do certain things is inexpensive when it allows me the time I need to rest, focus on other essential things, or just the ability to eliminate stress. Decide what you have to do and what you even get to make changes to in this moment when you are stressed and overwhelmed. The real question is, are you working yourself up for someone else’s stuff.
Now that you have the drill practice the application. Start small and intentional by beginning and ending your day with the questions. Take breaks during the day and use them to get into the rhythm of using them. Then when you need them the most, muscle memory kicks in, and you will begin to ask yourself the questions.
I hope this helps you transform your frustration and overwhelm into a productive time of prioritizing what you need, do and be in your challenging times.
