I was the type of person who can hold a grudge like my life depended on it. After several years, I realized that was more accurate than I wanted it to be. I was notorious for keeping a record of every wrong and every offense I felt from people in my life personally and professionally.
Then as I began growing deeper in my faith and centering into my wellness, I understood how holding on to all of the baggage was hurting me. As I coach women, I listen to them replay situations and feelings then, justify actions based on the hurt and anger from the offense of others. The longer I listen to them, the more I hear revealed. Many of us, myself included, hold grudges and keep offense in our book of reasons for one of three reasons. Sometimes using all at one time.
I WON
Did you really? I mean, yeah, you got the last word or act of revenge, but how stuck and stagnant are you savoring in a win to a game you never wanted to play. If we can both be honest, this is not a “W” you care to shout from the awards block. Being able to say you successfully hate someone for something they did to you in high school or that you “got back” at the guy who broke your heart is not actually a good look. How old are you, again? You won, but did it mean you leveled yourself to a place you were never assigned to be? You got even but did you lose your values, dignity or time? Even on your worse day, you can be better than those who choose to hurt you or believe destroying you makes them stronger. Think of it this way, if offense makes you feel as though you have to get even, seek revenge or just makes you feel better, you are stuck.
Now ask yourself
How long do I want to be here?
“But, Because and You don’t understand“
I have chosen these three words because they are usually given after someone wants to justify their actions based on the hurt or offense from others. However, they are the placeholders for excuses. These words mask the hurt, rage and fear. While others have hurt and offended you in some of the most traumatic and devastating ways, consider this: You are still in control of your actions, emotions and thoughts. If others don’t understand your hurt, that doesn’t make it less painful, but it can make you stronger. Although you were rejected or felt denied, it doesn’t change your qualities or qualifications. Something happening, being said, believed or done by others, does not mean you have any less of a chance, opportunity or the potential to still succeed in life, love and wellness.
Now ask yourself
Are my excuses keeping me from the greatest thing I desire?
The apology may never come
I am going to cut right to the chase, what if the apology never comes? You decided you didn’t want to stay stuck or blocked by the hurdles of excuses offense has caused in your life. So, what difference does an apology do? An apology is an acknowledgement of guilt, or harm caused. In most cases, this takes an act of God! No, not congress, but God, Himself! Just as easily as you hold on to offense, others can choose to hold on to their reasons and validation for their part in the situation as well. Choosing to wait for an apology holds the person in a place and space of your life. If you always want to wear a size 8 dress, well, you have to maintain your shape and size. As long as the person you are upset with has a place in your life, heart and mind, you continue to remain conditioned for them. Release them, Sis! I threw away the adage “we do the best we can with what we have” because people will also do what they want with what they have even if they know better. Some people choose the un-wise. Your waiting only makes them bigger in your life. The more you live, learn and grow into the person you were designed by God to become, the more of a footnote they become in your story on a page, in a chapter. The more you listen to the same narrative, the more it stays the same and the less experience something new.
Now ask yourself
What narrative am I replaying?
So yeah, that is my take on how things and you know what, I think you deserve to let some stuff go. Clarity of mind, a spirit of peace, and a heart of abundance are your portion, but you have to make space for it. I’m rooting for you!
